WeeEEEEeeee!!i Senior year. I finally got close to the schedual I wanted. And I don't think I'll ever be able to tolerate fast food again. I hadn't eaten packaged grease in ages (okay, maybe two weeks), did today and now I have a foggy headache and don't feel like doing anything. Well, outside of sleeping. Still trying to find out when I'm going to have free time after this week. I'm thinking Thanksgiving.

Today was the last day of kung fu. I know that seems to be all I've spoken of this summer but other than homework at sitting with my friends repeating the same phrase "I donno, what do you wanna do?" there hasn't been much else happening. I'm thinking I'm going to want to join the school. It's hard work but it's not something I want to give up. But it's so fucking expensive. I'm thinking I'll try though. I get two weeks of group classes till I have to deside. And the administration faculty at my school are jerkwads. (I'm pretty sure that's grammatically correct.) I can't get a hold of anyone who has the athority to let me out of a class I never signed up for. And I get treated like shit by the principal's assistant for making sure I'm not at fault when people start asking me "Well why didn't you straighten it out before now?" I hate incompetencey and being spoken down to. And the assistant did both. Anywhoo the looming of my senior year, the end of one of the nicest summer's I've had in years, and the end of free kung fu classes (not to mention having finally finished 1984, damn that book is depressing) has caused me to become darkly depressed and fall into that self-pitty ditch I made popular year before last. Time to start digging my way out.

Aries getting married!!i

Okay, so she's going to propose and the likelihood of ever seeing a wedding is very slim but I'm still happy for her. I was kind of afraid at first that she was rushing into this since she only becomes legal in five days but she has known Caren most of her life... and they are a good match for each other... I'm just kinda annoyed that she didn't let me know she had been thinking about it earlier, but we haven't had a lot of time to talk so that's a mostly unjustifiable grievance.

By the by: damn Bush and his evangelicals for pushing for marriage bans. Not that it would have mattered down here in godforsaken Texas.

P.S. Happy Lammas!!i

And I looked like a chipmunk on steroids for days....

Well Roberts got a job so the chances of me ever seeing him again are like... mm... one in two million. Or so. Damn. Just when I was going to either talk to him or get hit by him while sparing.

Seriously. Though one would like to think that after green-belt the likely hood of knocking someone in the face decreases significantly I'm here to tell you that that isn't always true. We spared for half the class yesterday and not only did I get hit four times (in the face, stomach doesn't count) by green, blue, and yellow belts, I was the only one I know of to start bleeding (it wasn't bad, just where my glasses were shoved into my eyebrow). And almost all of my partners were green 2- or blue-belts. Not that I can blame them for hitting me, 1) I shouldn't have let them through my block and 2) I hit one of the white-belts that I came into the program with in the eye (open-handed, since that's how were supposed to spar to avoid serious injury.) I felt so bad. But on the upside I was getting a lot of compliments on my skill. It's kinda fun to beat up on the higher belts. And you learn a lot.

Honestly I'm terrified that I'm about to be a senior (because it means I'm getting older.) But just as sad that I won't be able to take kung-fu at the college anymore. I've found it's something I really really like (not that that's a surprise, I've always been interested in that level of control... shit, I'll be honest, ANY level of control.) I'll have to try and work something out... I don't really want to kill my free time and cash for next year but what to use it for outside of things I enjoy?

BTB in case anyone was wondering (rolls eyes)

Music: Everything Hits at Once (Disco) - Spoon

I'm going into surgery on Friday, YIPPY!!i

Okay, so it's pretty routine (wisdom teeth removal) but it IS my first surgery. Well, the first in which I am the patient. And I'm not looking forward to it. Especially since I have a fairly intricate knowledge of how it’s going to play out.

My parents have made the decree that over five (possibly ten) thousand dollars worth of dental work is too precious to risk (even if I still have a Tom Cruise midline.) So I wouldn’t be comfortable pulling a mysterious disappearance. Damn. Guess I’m going to have to suck it up and take it like a woman.

Phi and pi. Left and right. The golden ratio and the irrational ratio of circles. I plan on looking into them. Even though I suck so much at math I may as well just be sticking my head down a toilet, I'd learn just as much about math eaither way. I'm just glad I'm good at other things like music and art. That way I don't feel like a compleate dip.

I know that updating twice in one day is just a little pathetic of me and that technically I've already used my creepy-squealing-pre-teen-girl post for this month (see fan girl scream on the Corgan post) but screw that.

I was the only yellow belt today and sifu (the teacher dude) sent "Mr. Roberts" to tutor me. Tee hee. Free excuse to stare shamelessly. And I didn't flail too bad prompting him to give me a vaguely shocked look and compliment me. A lot. Hee. Pretty smile. Pretty eyes. Pretty hair. And he's actually taller than me. Sorry, that's just rare ('specially since I usually like shorter guys but always feel like a fucking oaf around them.) I feel bad I don't know his first name (we go by surnames in class.) Which means I should talk to him but 'I don't do that' since I'm a pathetic social phobe. That and it would be really obvious I was going out of my way to talk to him. Hmm... I am so taking this class next semester.

Now I can easily suppress my disturbingly-weird and creepily-pathetic girly-girl side for another month and close this post with a "it felt really great to spar today. I was smacking (lightly of course, we don't actually hit each other) this guy all over the place and he's an experienced level 2 yellow. You could see the shock on his face. I love getting a chance to smack someone around without the guilt of accidentally sending them to a medic. And adore the height and strength I was given to do it. But I'm violent like that, despite my attempt at tempering those tendencies. Always have been. Always will be."

Okay, now, I know I'm trying not to bitch and moan on this waste of space but it's just so hard. So this is my bitchy post (blame it on the chick who reminded me that I am supposed to hate shows that feature) Pretty Women Dating Plain Men (or pretty men but in the end don’t learn anything) And Learning That They Can Be Wonderful Human Beings As Well. I'm all for self improvement. But why is it always the gorgeous women and plain men getting "improved." Like the fat guys on shit-coms that have pretty little wives which their always pissing off. There are plain women in the world as well, and seriously hot guys that would never even look at them once (forget twice) because they know they can do better (and dude, I know I'm not one to judge, but still). I know it derives from animal instinct (survival of the fittest) and human nature (lust and desire for the best for oneself) but it still annoys the fucking hell out of me. Plain girls should get to appear on more than just those brainless makeover shows. There should be a dignified "Beauty and the Geek" for them as well. If I didn't discriminately hate reality tv as much as I do then I might have bothered trying to put one together but lets face it, I can't even narrow down my college list to ten.

Secretly I think I'm having a resentment relapse on this aspect of society because it's only the guys I am in no way attracted to that seem to like me. Damnit. But don't tell anyone else that.

I saw Donnie Darko. One of the best movies. I had been meaning to see it for a while but hadn't 'cause I'm cheap and lazy. That and I was concerned it was going to be some horror flick that would stir up my paranoia. Nasty stuff that is. People tell me I should see someone for that... Anyway, Darko was particularly interesting because I had a pre-existing interest in time travel theory and theory's of my own and what not. I'll have to get some books on that this summer. P.S. How fucking hot was Jake Gyllenhaal as a paranoid skitz in that movie? The only time I have ever found him remotely attractive. I mean, he's a decent looking guy but it was the mentally fucked aspect that drug me in. P.P.S. I did pretty well on the SAT. 91st percentile (national) and above in all. Math's my lowest. I'm trying to decide if I want to take it next year too. I think I might be able to do better with more math experience and sleep. Means I'll have to take another semester at the junior college this summer though. That's okay, I'll take kung fu again. Roberts is fun to watch. Kinda looks like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix.

Taking my yellow belt test tonight. Really hoping I don't fall over. Wish me luck. Complaint of the day: F-ing walmart shouldn't advertize that they have a CD on a certain day if they don't. Cause I was hauling my cash around for two days (and more likely 'cause I'm a doomed and clutzy air head) I lost my thirty bucks. Damn Walmart and damn genetics.